100 people could have studied mental health and psychology but unless they’ve been through it themselves they can’t truely understand what you are going through.
Since leaving school 10 years ago (wow thats a long time) I’ve wanted to become a psychologist, to help people. This was years before I even suffered myself, but I grew up knowing about it with family and family friends.
I wanted to understand what caused it or how to overcome it, what it was like and what runs through people’s heads (that’s still a big interest).
Can I answer that now I suffer? Fuck no!
Everyone is different and everyone’s perception of life is different.
Can I relate though? Absolutely! Before it became prominent that I had anxiety or depression I had this demeanour that I was too “strong” to suffer with something like this, I was too head strong to let something like this over come me. Now? Now I know I was full of shit.
This is probably the reason it took so long to realise that I was suffering, even when the doctor said “you have anxiety” I was still thinking mm nope that can’t be right, I’m too strong for that, it must be some other life threatening illness.
You see, I had little tell tail signs but I figured it was mostly normal kinda shit and hid any stress behind smoking weed, until one night. I was climbing back in bed looked at my partner and said “fuck I feel dizzy”, everything started to go black and as I laid back I actually passed out. I woke up to my partner freaking out saying it looked like I was having a seizure and he couldn’t wake me.
That night.. that night I will never forget, it changed me forever! I awoke in absolute fucking panic, nothing I had ever experienced before and it was scary. The next week and a half is a blur of hospital, doctors, tests, questions, complete fear and exhaustion and barely being able to get up to get myself a drink. That day was the last time I touched unprescribed drugs and it’s the whole reason I’m still scared of even the prescribed ones.
This was almost 5years ago now, I’ve come an incredibly long way. Although that was not at all my only hurdle… that shit was just the beginning.