Drugs!

Sorry to all the homies in the back I’m not talking about party drugs hahaha.

I have Generalised Anxiety Disorder, OCD, mild depression and health anxiety (technically I guess it’s hypochondriac but I’d rather not be classed as a whiny cunt lol).

The OCD is what came first, I would clean like crazy and CONSTANTLY. That much so that I would always ‘brush’ my daughter off to clean, sad isn’t it. I knew it but I couldn’t control it!

Then of course came the anxiety, over time after staying medicated and seeing doctors that became a lot better and a lot easier to deal with, although it is still here daily it isn’t always debilitating.

The depression came a few months before my wedding (about two years ago now), the medication I was on wasn’t working correctly and I needed to come off (on and off meds are some of the worst times) I had a massive withdrawal and was mostly lounge ridden for a week. I vowed to never need meds again as I just couldn’t do the trial and error, the side effects and the withdrawal.

That was not my best idea, I couldn’t handle the anxiety and because I couldn’t handle the anxiety I became depressed.

You see, taking antidepressants whether it’s actually for depression or just anxiety is all trial and error, if your one of those lucky fuckers that find a good one first go, I’m incredibly jealous!

Since day one I’ve been too scared to take medication, then came the knowledge that I’m actually sensitive to medication. If I have needed to change meds in the past I will research the fuck out of meds and I tell the doctor which one I think is best for me or if they suggest something else I will sit in that doctors office and research before I agree (this is not advised by the way). The thought of medication for anxiety actually gives me anxiety haha fancy that huh! But that’s anxiety for ya.

I think I’m on my 4th or 5th type now and it’s doing well, that’s also not a bad number considering some people go through 10+ before finding something suitable 😦

Sometimes if you can recognise that something is not right and head to the doctors you can get away with no meds, just seeing a psychologist or councillor may do the job but generally both meds and seeing a psych are most beneficial.

After 3 relapses being off meds your likely to need them for the rest of your life, thats where I’m at and I’ve become comfortable with that because I know now that I would struggle more without them than I do benefit from them.

Meds aren’t all that bad, they keep all the brain, chemical, sciencey shit in check. Yay for drugs right? Hahaha

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