Symptoms…

Ooo symptoms are a big one.

I mean, google anxiety and depression symptoms and you get the obvious shit like fast heart rate, quick breathing, panic attack (like how the fuck does that actually explain a panic attack), low mood, withdrawal, insomnia. Literally none of this explains how it really is.

Man if all I had was how it was basically explained I’d be fucking cheering.

Let me tell you right now, it is NOTHING like the above, it is much much worse!! No one tells you that so your unprepared.

I couldn’t even list all the physical and mental symptoms I have had over time, there are that many. Once you start getting used to a new symptom BAM!!! Another one pops up and your like “wtf is this then”

Fear- Fear is a big one because that’s what keeps you going around and around in circles with this shit.

Heart rate- it’s the first thing I notice when starting to panic

Tingling hands and face- this is what happens when you breath rapidly. Once I had a full body tingle, that was scary.

Cramping in arms and hands- I’ve only had this once and it was a bit confronting.

Feeling sick in the belly- so often, because in general a sore belly could be anything I don’t generally relate it until the penny drops.

Headaches- tension headaches like allll the fucking time!

Fatigue- man this is a big one and one I struggle with daily. It’s your body being wrecked after dealing with panic and using so much energy to do so.

Eye twitching.

Funny sort of vision.

Insomnia- either wanting to sleep constantly (me) or not being able to sleep.

Shaking- mostly hands.

Sweating- in general and/or palms of hands.

Dizziness.

Faint.

Being tense.

Sore muscles from always being tense.

Excessive nervousness.

Frustration.

Trouble concentrating.

Being worried about everything, now I mostly don’t give a shit about a lot of things but it’s super easy to get stuck in your own head, I worry about EVERYTHING. From the texts I’m writing and sending to being afraid of ill health. Worry if you are good enough for the people in your life even though you know deep down that you are. Ridiculous scenarios play out in my head a lot, while I’m driving, while I’m talking to people, when I’m out or in a new place and it’s always the worst of everything. It’s great fun to be a little fucked up hahaha

Reality is, I know that all of this catasrophising is well, ridiculous but I can’t stop it. The idea is to become more self aware and to question everything like “what is the actual chance of this happening” but it’s not always that easy when you are in the middle of it. It’s easy enough to say when your calm and not in a panic or worrying.

Side note: GOOGLE DOCTOR IS NOT YOUR FRIEND!! Haha. Iv had numerous brain tumours and cancers according to google lol reality though, I just have anxiety 🤷🏼‍♀️ yay me

I can however see a bright side to it all though, I’ve been through fucking hell and back with this shit! I’m confident I could take on mostly any task. It also means that you aren’t weak, you are in fact stronger because of what you have dealt with 💪🏼

Other people’s opinions and any bad mouthing of me mean nothing, because it’s jack to what I’ve put myself through!

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