I think the worst thing about anxiety is the fear!
I’ve never felt fear like it in my life and now it’s often in some way, shape or form.
I’m easy to frighten (you know, jumpy) but I’m not easy to scare out of my wits. I’m morbid, I’m into gore and horror movies are my favourite (I’m yet to find one to properly scare me).
Anxiety though, maaaan anxiety tops the cake 110%
Anxiety gives you this fear you can’t escape, this fear that you think will never leave and this fear that constantly hangs over your head.
The fear that the panic attacks will happen again, the fear that one step forward follows with ten steps back, the fear that you’ll die with the panic attack symptoms or that you have a life threatening disease. The fear that you are alone in this even though you know you aren’t. It’s the fear that you’ll never get through this and the fear that no one really understands when in fact they totally do.
The fear is a massive part of what feeds the anxiety, the more you fear the closer you step towards worsening.
Reality is though, that you have nothing to fear. This shit is normal and people deal with it daily, as long as everything has been ruled out medically then you really are just dealing with anxiety and you need to trust that.
It’s easy to write and it’s easy to hear but it is not easy to practice!
I know all of this as factual but I still get stuck in that fear, often.
The idea is to fully accept that you are anxious or having a panic attack, roll with it and it should leave just as quick as it came. Your accepting that this is completely normal, your knowing that this isn’t going to make you pass out or die.
Consciously we know this shit is just anxiety, but subconsciously we don’t believe any of that. The idea is to change that so that all of you is knowing and understanding that this is normal and that this too shall pass.
If you meditate you will understand the mindfulness needed to get to this stage, if you don’t though you should probably try it. Google search meditation, try meditation, the more you do it the better you become.
You will probably live with this forever but the gaps between episodes (panic/anxiety) will become larger, there is a light at the end of this tunnel and you can work towards it.
This is all easy enough for me to write but I understand the troubles with following through to get to that light. I’ve been there though and it’s amazing, 6-8months between episodes. At the moment I stand in that ten steps back area but I’m hopeful I’ll gain a big gap again soon, and you can too!!
I believe in you!