The amount of tests I’ve done and been through is crazy.
Some because I’ve had to and some because I’ve chosen to, because anxiety allows you to believe something more is wrong than just that, anxiety.
I lost count of the amount of tests I’ve had done.
I’ve had countless blood tests, CT scans, MRIs, ECGs, EEGs.
Verbal testing coming out my ears.
I wouldn’t even be able to comprehend how many times I’ve been to the doctors in the last 5 years, before all this though I would never go to doctors or hospitals.
In reality I know how fucking ridiculous it is but you get so stuck in a frame of mind (mine being that something medically/health wise is wrong) that you can’t just leave it.
It’s sad, it really is. I’ve put my body through radiation and tests just to be certain i have nothing life threatening wrong with me 🙄 I’ve had a blood test that burst a vein (that was scary and painful) and I’ve fretted for results I knew deep down were going to be clear.
That’s getting better though, I don’t fear it all so much but it is still there I guess.
I don’t tell people often about how bad the health anxiety is to the point of extensive testing because I don’t want to be put in that hypochondriac “statistic”.
Hypochondria is often joked about rather than looking at the actual definition, which is: someone who is abnormally anxious about their health.
It’s not like I stub a toe and take myself to hospital for a broken ankle or anything lol it’s like needing answers for constant headaches or fatigue that always lingers, shit that could potentially be something super dangerous I guess.
I seem to have this fear of death, not of being dead but the way it will happen, dying in pain or dying young and my kids missing out of growing up with a mum and me missing out on them growing up I guess, that’s where it all stems from.
It’s great fun really, I’m super blessed hahaha